Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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