i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
