I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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