I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize