I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
