i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
