oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
