What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
