she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
