Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
