Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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