I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
