That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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