So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
