Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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