If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think I died a long time ago.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
