the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
