So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
