Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
