When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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