Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
