thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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