? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
