Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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