butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
