dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
