Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
