last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
