my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
