Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
