I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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