your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
