you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
