Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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