just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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