Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
