I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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