I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
