OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
