We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
