Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
