So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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