What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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