I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And then the night went full on bisexual.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
