I heard we made out
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
