At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
