A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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