Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
