Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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