why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
