I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
